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How to Build Self Esteem the Right Way
Building self esteem is done one of two
ways. Unfortunately most of us do it the wrong way. Following is an example of a
psychologist doing it the wrong way with a patient, John.
John was referred to me by his
psychologist for relaxation and motivation. His psychologist was working with
him for building self esteem and self image. At the age of 28 John felt
that he was losing ground. This feeling of "losing out" contributed to
a heightened level of anxiety which made him tense, irritable, and affected his
concentration. .
John's psychologist's devised a program
for building self esteem by having John focus on acquiring technical training to
develop a skill.
To build self esteem, John choose to
become a technician in a metal shop and enrolled in a program. Even though
everything he was shown in class made sense, when it came to test time, his
level of anxiety interfered with his ability to obtain respectable, much less
passing grades. He was in jeopardy of failing when he was referred to me.
The psychologist's approach was the
typical, "accomplish something, acquire something," and you'll be
building self esteem. Yes, it's the approach used nearly 100% of all programs
for overcoming low self esteem that I've seen. You are supposed to be able to
overcome low self esteem by getting better at something, acquiring a degree or
certification, getting to know the "right" people....
Unfortunately, this is a "catch
22" approach--a set-up for failure. I'm not saying that everyone who uses
this approach fails to accomplish the goal of acquiring a skill or educational
level, but this approach does not build true self worth or self esteem. It's a
set up for failure. Building self esteem becomes a myth with this approach.
Look around. Most of your friends,
family, and acquaintances have been building self esteem based on their
accomplishments and acquisitions.
Unfortunately, the person who overcomes
low self esteem and builds it largely:
on his fortune, often commits
suicide when his portfolio is lost in the stock market crash.
on the love of his wife may become
depressed and acquires life-threatening cancer within 2 years of her passing and
then dies himself even though he was in fine health prior to her passing.
on his position in life often
becomes depressed and acquires a life threatening disease within 2 years of his
retirement and dies.
on his social contacts and
accomplishments may develop anxiety panic attack when he moves to another part
of the country.
on his physical skills becomes has
a greater chance of getting seriously depressed and likewise may acquire a life
threatening disease when he has an incapacitating accident or is replaced by
younger, stronger athlete.
And we can go on and on. For each
person building self esteem based on an accomplishment, an ability, physical
appearance, and so on, he/she feels good about himself/herself for as long as
his/her skills, abilities, and accomplishments remain in tact. Yet when their
skills, relationships, accomplishments and so on change, they lose themselves in
the process. Is this self-worth? No, it's "things' worth," not
"self-worth."
In the face of all adversity and loss,
the person who has truly been building self esteem does not lose himself, but by
knowing his true value, is able to adapt and change to all life circumstances.
Back to John: It was indeed a challenge
getting John out of his failure path. More so because the psychologist set him
up with expectations that would lead to failure--the psychologist actually set
the path for him to stay stuck with low self esteem.
Eventually John got up the hill and over the crest. He learned to overcome his
low self esteem, not by graduating machine shop school, but by learning to deal
successfully with disappointments and to like himself regardless of his
disappointments.
Building self esteem the right way is
from self is something you do every day. It's to realize that:
Comparing ourselves to anyone
else is to kill self esteem
Some of our best laid plans will
simply fall through through no fault of our own or through fault of our own--it
doesn't matter. .
We are emotional beings and
rather than be ruled by our emotions we can acknowledge them and move through
them.
We each are a child of the
universe deserving of feeling good about ourselves regardless of what we do or
don't do.
We only feel less about ourselves
because of what we've learned to believe.
Love of our physical, emotional,
and spiritual self is deserved and until we can love ourselves, it's unlikely
that another can love us.
Egotistical people really don't
love themselves.
Out of every fallen plan or
disappointment is an opportunity to somehow:
Benefit from
it.
Move beyond
it.
Learn from
mistakes.
Truly forget
about it.
Let it go.
Profit from
the experience.
And then, most importantly, self esteem
is something you build everyday by assuring yourself that when things:
Work out as planned, you like
yourself, and that you are a fine person;
Fall through and you're
disappointed, upset, angry that you embrace the emotion and likewise like
yourself--that you are a fine person regardless of the outcome. Do this daily
and feel your self esteem grow.
--end of article--
Part I and Part II are the bible for
building Self Worth Cd#1 $24.95
Part III and Part IV is the magic of keeping the
self worth that you build everyday by becoming your own best friend and
discovering means by which you can profit from disappointment.
$24.95
Five things you need to
know about building self esteem and the approaches generally
used.
1. Many programs focus
on having you acquire skills, achievements, change you physical
appearance, develop a talent, additional education, and so on. Building
self esteem on something you can acquire can set you up for a big let
down, life crisis, and loss of self esteem because these things are not
the essence of you but superficial. Make sure the program you choose is
not superficially oriented. While you certainly will accomplish many
things, when you build self worth my way, you will never be at risk of
losing your self esteem. While talents, skills, accomplishments and so on
may come and go, you want your self esteem to be impenetrable
2. Many programs
emphasize affirmations. While affirmations are important, they can be
rejected too. Make sure the program you select to build self worth goes
beyond affirmations. My program actually shows you how to overcome
affirmation rejection.
3. Evaluate goal
setting. Yes, many programs use the approach of setting and achieving
goals to build self worth. While it's ok to have and achieve goals, goals
in themselves can be a catch 22 in building self worth. Should you fall
short of a particular goal, your self esteem is in jeopardy. My program
doesn't require any goal setting to build self esteem. While you may have
and achieve many goals, your self esteem is not dependent on them.
4. Many programs only
educate the thinking conscious mind. This approach could take forever. The
limbic (emotional brain) lags behind the reticular (thinking cognitive
brain). When you choose a program, make sure that the program nurtures the
emotional brain otherwise, the thinking brain gets smarter and you get
simply frustrated because you just can't seem to put the material into
action. My program uses techniques to bring the emotional brain up to date
to agree with the new information the thinking brain is receiving. My
program focuses on closing the gap between the emotional and the thinking
brain.
5. Few programs utilize
the power of hypnosis and subliminal suggestions and those that do, may
not tell you what the actual suggestions are and what's worse the
suggestions may be counter productive. For instance, many use a suggestion
such as, "I am not going to feel badly anymore." Because of how the brain
processes words, this suggestion focuses on feeling badly and is therefore
counter productive. Or they may use a complex suggestion which is useless
because the subconscious doesn't process complex suggestions. My
program gives you two powerful hypnotic sleep programs and each subliminal
suggestion used is audibly listed before the relaxation
begins.
Improving Self Esteem and Build
Confidence
This classic
program (now updated is available in cd only) is the most effective
program ever produced for improving self esteem to build
confidence! It is leap years ahead of the science and today is "state of the
art." This one program on two cds
accomplishes the same as other programs requiring a half dozen cds and
costing well over $200 to accomplish the same results. Note: you can
still order the older cassette version while supply lasts--see
above.
In my experience of conducting
stress management programs and counseling for over 20 years, I found that
roughly 99% of those I've worked with felt that they had low self esteem.
How could this be? Simply the causes of low self esteem are that most of
us have been taught to base our self-worth on our accomplishments, skills,
physique, financial worth and earnings, ability to help others, and so on.
Little wonder then when we:
• lose skills because of
injury;
• lose a close family member on whom we're very
dependent to the great beyond;
• lose our financial nest
egg because the stock market collapses;
• do poorly
in a course of study;
•
have a bad hair day; or
• don't live up to our
own expectations...
we don't feel good about ourselves and our
selfesteem selfconfidence are challenged. Ultimately, this may jeopardize
our health, emotional well being, set us up for failure mechanisms, be
constantly trying to impress others, identity crisis, suicide, chronic
depression, and so on.
Why, when there are so many programs
available for improving self esteem building confidence, the
shortage of those who have selfesteem?
The answer is that if you analyze
all the other programs, trainings, and techniques for overcoming low self
esteem or building selfesteem in women and men, you'll see that they
actually create the path to easily put your selfesteem selfconfidence in
jeopardy with the first calamity that comes along in your
life.
Most programs for improving self
esteem or building self esteem either instruct you to use affirmations
that simply may be rejected by your subconscious. Sure they may fire you
up for a short period of time but in a few weeks the affirmations will be
forgotten and you'll return to the same fundamental question about your
self worth.
Or, as a psychologist did for one
client, (take the link
for an example) the programs instruct you in improving self esteem by
improving some specific skills, i.e., get a better job, a better
education, some kind of specific training, attain some achievements, and
so on. Sure, with improved skills, more friends, a better job, higher
education, and specific acknowledgments for achievements you will feel a
sense of self esteem--but, in my experience in working with hundreds of
clients, it's cosmetic at best. That is, the moment the unexpected crisis
occurs that threatens or worse yet wipes away your accomplishments,
attained stature, physical abilities, employment, and so on, you may
well be left with a lousy feeling about your self esteem. In other words,
if you put all the other programs to the test, you'll see that they set
you up for failure, and the effects on self worth is temporary at
best.
This is the one
program that goes beyond you ever needing to be dependent on you having
accomplishments, connections, an education, physical abilities, physical
beauty, a certain weight, a high paying job, physical beauty, behaved
kids, your ability to spell... In fact this program shows you how to build
self worth and self esteem free of requiring accomplishments or having to
believe any affirmation. Not that you won't create accomplishments,
wealth, great looks, friends, a higher education, a great career or
whatever--you just won't need them or be dependent on having them to feel
good about yourself to overcome low self esteem.
How is it done?
First, in improving self esteem or
building self esteem, it's important to observe (not criticize) the
sources of your role models' self esteem. It's important to also observe
(not criticize) where your self esteem has come from in the past, i.e.
what makes you feel good about you and what you need to feel good about
yourself. Thus you'll understand the psychology of self worth and the
causes of low self esteem.
The next step in restoring
selfesteem and beating low selfesteem is to meet your own best friend. So
if you've ever thought that you are often your own worst enemy, this
portion of the program is particularly valuable because it introduces you
to "you," and creates the path by which you easily become your own best
friend.
Now, how do you handle emotions? I
mean feelings of anger, uncertainty, confusion, frustration...? Self
criticism in the past may have eroded your selfesteem selfconfidence. This
program helps you to flip over negative emotional experiences and empowers
you in building selfesteem through your experience of any emotion that
life can throw your way.
Part #1 lays a foundation for
suggestions for improving self esteem building self confidence. It gives
you the easy a,b,c's for improving self esteem. It is educational in
nature for your conscious mind. And even if you never listen to Part II
which is a relaxation hypnotic program for reprogramming the subconscious
to a strong healthy self image, the easy a,b,c instructions in Part #1
will get you there all by itself.
Part II is for your subconscious
mind. Do not listen to it while driving a vehicle. Part II has suggestions
for your subconscious mind for restoring self esteem improving
selfesteem. This side also has subliminal
suggestions (suggestions that are below the audible range). Take the
link to learn about the power of subliminal
suggestions.
The revised expanded program also
includes:
Part III which lays a foundation for
being your own best friend, brings your emotional brain up to date, and
provides an incredible means of turning disappointments into benefits to
profit from disappointments. In other words, you will learn how to make
the best tasting lemonade from the lemons that life sometimes throws at
you and feel good about yourself—keep your self esteem--in the process.
This is the bible, so to speak for dealing with and handling emotions.
Emotions are the challenge of the twenty first century. Why, simple. We’ve
had twenty centuries of denying and pretending emotions aren’t important.
And yet, we’re emotional beings—the primitive limbic brain is the
emotional brain. Emotions were there long before language and centuries
later, we’re really very little better off handling emotions than we were
centuries ago. We generally learn how to ignore them, pretend they don’t
bother us, or to act them out. In fact it’s our poor abilit! y to handle
emotions that keeps psychiatrists, psychologist, therapists and many
doctors in business. Yes, poor handling of anger and rejection can lead to
depression which in turn can lead suppression of immune function—auto
immune disease and even cancers. Or instead of poor handling of depression
leading to depression, it can lead to heart disease.
Tony Robbins in his Get the Edge program
devotes an entire cd to understanding emotions. He suggests that there are
many reasons we have emotions and that it’s important to process each
emotion—the purpose and result. Ultimately what he suggests isn’t very
different than what psychologists and therapists have been doing for the
last two hundred years. The problem with this approach is that it’s
attempting to quantify something literally happens at the speed of light.
It’s attempting to use the rationale brain to control the emotional brain
and there just isn’t sufficient time to accomplish this goal. It’s simply
an impractical means of handling emotions.
Part III is based on techniques
popularized in the Erhardt Training seminars of the 70’s and 80’s and
The Angry Book by Isaac Rubin psychiatrist. Rather than
understanding emotions, it’s in the experience of them through which we
gain a handle on them and then can profit or in some way profit from them.
It becomes more of a three step dance or three frames of a cartoon as
opposed to six to ten different analytical reasons for each possible
emotion. Instead it is through this three step process that is the same
for each and every emotion that we have which allows you to stop the
process at any one of the three steps being free of any analytical
processes to do so. It is truly the most effective method and advanced
thinking to deal with emotion! s available--one that empowers you to meet
the challenge of the 21st century—handle all emotions in a
healthy way and feel good about yourself no matter the outcome.
This is the bible, so to speak for
dealing with and handling emotions. .
Part IV, complete with subliminal
suggestions, is for nurturing your subconscious mind as you sleep. This is
what accelerates the process of building self worth, being your own best
friend, and turning disappointments into benefits.
Value. What
about value? Other programs on the market, even though they may
put any self esteem that you develop at risk, require as many as 6
cassettes and cost well over $200. What they generally do is teach you to
be dependent on having things or accomplishments to maintain self worth--a
hollow self worth. This is one program that is aimed at improving self
esteem building self confidence (magical in nature) and dismisses all the
myths about building self worth for a mere fraction of the cost of those
other programs.
Parts I and II Building
Self Worth (The Bible to Self Esteem)
Part III and Part IV is the magic of keeping the
self worth that you build everyday by becoming your own best friend and
discovering means by which you can profit from disappointment.
$24.95
Key words:
improving self
esteem
build confidence
building confidence
Overcome Low
Self Esteem
Misspellings: selfconfidence selfesteem
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